| Ugh!!!!!! |
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| 02:45am 30/05/2009 |
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mood:  irritated music: Zep- All my Love
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I hate men, seriously. I hate not knowing what they could want from me and I hate how they lie to get somewhere with a girl. It's so fucking lame! And the only one I actually care for doesn't even know I exist. I hate the fact that I miss him so much and cannot be with him. I hate that I screwed up with him and wish I could take it all back. I hate that I traded him for a pile of shit and this is becoming very obvious.
Every other guy but him is basically trash/irrelevant to me. Yeah I went there. I could never actually really like someone AND trust him, this doesn't happen often. Until him. Well, who cares at this point and I'm just dwelling I guess.
I kinda screwed up this weekend in a big way and I am paying for it now. I was provoked and lashed out without even thinking. Sure I was honest but rude. I still think it was deserves, though. |
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| Bam! |
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| 06:28pm 07/02/2009 |
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music: Coldplay- The hardest part
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Cameron Maybin & I
This year's Dinner was awesome AND I finally met Wes Helms. Coolness. |
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| Something I've always wondered... |
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| 09:51pm 02/12/2008 |
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mood:  blah music: Queen- Save Me
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First and foremost, I have great news! I think I've lost weight and at first, I thought it was the scale lying to me but it seems I actually did. Somehow I went from 125 to 115. I really have NO clue how it might have happened but it did!
And I actually survived Black Friday. It wasn't as bad as least year and I actually bought jeans after work. A coworker I hadn't seen in months told me I had lost weight and I was elated to hear that. :D Ever since I started takin bc a few months ago people have been telling me I've lost weight so maybe it was that. It's my reward for not using bc for the usual reason girls do ;)
So, my mom is leaving in a few days and I'm not sure how I feel about that now. I'm gonna miss her even though I always joke around about wanting more freedom. A few weeks ago when she was gone I felt so peaceful... by myself. It was only me and Baby and I loved it. I also love this weather, I like it cold and I wish it was cold more often down here. This weather also makes me miss him even more. Bleh, a year has passesed and I'm still missing him like crazy. I don't think there is anyone in this world I'd like to see more than him. There actually isn't ANYTHING in this world I'd want more than to be with him at this moment. Oh well, such is life. They always say everything happens for a reason and... I'm still unsure why this did. It's also incredibly pathetic when I go to places we went to and I talk about him or just dwell and sigh a lot. I alwyas think about him at work when "Better in Time" plays at work. I'd give anything to see him again. Anything.
Anyway, I was having a conversation with a friend who said that attraction means liking someone and I disagreed. I think about most of my exes and I bet if I saw them again I'd still be very attracted to them but I don't like them and I am certain of it. I have been attracted to many guys and I haven't even liked most of them. So, no, in my opinion, an attraction is what pulls you to someone-- wether it's personality, looks or a common interest-- but it doesn't necessarily mean you like them. So there you have it, my two cents.
Baseball season needs to get here already so I can stop missing him! (Not that I won't then) |
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| I hater this |
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| 01:46am 19/06/2008 |
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mood: annoyed music: Coldplay- Vida La Vida
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The fact that this is bothering me so much is really killing me. I hate this. A lot. I shouldn't be there... like this. I'm pathetic for feeling this way. Most of all, I hate feeling like this... so insecure and so annoyed.
I'd like to be anywhere but here. I'm so confused and so angry over.. probably nothing. I guess I might realize this tomorrow and feel stupid for it. Whatever.
Screw this. |
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| Opening Day!!! |
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| 02:00am 01/04/2008 |
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mood:  drained music: Donna Summers- "Could it be magic?"
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Hahaha we came out on tv! Wooo! We sat first row section 144.
Funny thing is that Craig interviewed us on Friday before the Yanks/Fish "Spring" games. It was so weird and unexpected and I really didn't know what to say but agreed to being interviewed. Larry was also asked questions about wether the team was underrated or not. THANKFULLY, this wasn't aired!!! Phew. I was really nervous for it because I didn't elaborate too much.
And now today we were just talking in the 2nd inning and two friends send me texts telling me "I saw you on tv biting your nails!" Hahahahaha.
And I was caught on tv again on Wed! Some say I looked bored? |
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| If only he knew... |
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| 11:44pm 29/02/2008 |
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mood:  nostalgic music: Amy Lee- Broken
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that he's on my mind 24/7. That he is the one I think about before going to bed... and the first one when I wake up. That every time I hear a love song, I think of him. I miss him so much I can't express it into words. I really would do anything to see him again. I know it's an impossible at this point but I really can't seem to let go. I know it isn't love but I haven't felt this way about anyone in a long time. |
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| Blahhh |
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| 11:38am 28/01/2008 |
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mood:  chipper
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I gotta go to work right after school today. Boo! Well, at least that means I leave earlier. My weekend was FUN! :D Less than two weeks til the awards dinner and Fanfest! I can't wait til ST & baseball seasonbegin. |
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| Fabian |
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| 12:08am 29/10/2007 |
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mood:  tired music: Justin Timberlake- "Lovestoned"
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still sucks at life!
Hahahahahaha |
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| Does that make me crazy? |
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| 12:48am 22/10/2007 |
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mood:  sad music: my ex on the phone
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I seriously can't believe I just kissed a total stranger. Someone who I almost ran over. I have never done that. And it wasn't even a good kiss... blahh! My mom just keeps pissing me off more and more. I can't shower after a certain time. Hah, it's ridiculous, she is becoming unbeareble. She says I've changed. Maybe I have but so has she.
I worked this entire week and ughhhh I hate it! The job isn't slack anymore. I get out later than I should but it isn't THAT bad. At least I get awesome discounts. |
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| Unrequited love SUCKS! |
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| 02:36pm 23/09/2007 |
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mood:  sore music: Nelly Furtado- "Say it right"
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Haha, my baby! :P
Wow I spoke to Henry yesterday. He called me when I was working (aka shopping & trying on clothes). I called him back after I was done and we chatted, and caught up. He says he wants to move to Miami. It's cool to talk to him after so many years. I really liked him. I'd say he's one of the boyfriends I've liked the most. After Peter it would have to be Henry.
But he isn't important at this point...
Someone else is. Someone I haven't seen in so long. Ahhh this sucks SO much! I miss him, I'd give anything to see him again. I had a dream with him Friday night. It was cool. Before I hit the sack I wrote on my journal (not online journals) and mentioned how I was hoping I'd dream of him. And hours later I did. Pretty freaking cool! I woke up at 6:42 AM to write and just started thinking about the whole thing. Ugh I hate dweling on this but I do so... often. In the dream we were having dinner and talking... then I woke up!!!!! I HATE THAT! I felt like shit, obviously because I thought the whole thing was real. This sucks so, so, so MUCH. I feel like Melissa saying this but I'm taken... well my heart's taken! Haha. :| :(
At lest the Jets won today. |
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| What did I do wrong now? |
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| 04:25am 08/09/2007 |
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mood: annoyed music: Enur- Callabria
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Seriously. WTF?
Hahaha I really don't understand men. I had a problem with this a month ago. Someone didn't like the fact that I had a life over the weekend and decided to be a total dick. He basically had a titty attack because I mentioned drinking at a pool with a friend. Okay and he filled in the rest. Big deal! I'm single... I'm not married and I'm not taken. So why not? The last thing I wanted to do was hurt him but did so unintentionally I guess.
Okay that's over. Now today I was going to hang out with Fabian. I make a joke about something that happened weeks ago with a friend and I think he gets mad. I don't understand! We aren't together so what's the problem?!? I thought we had understood each other about this-- we're both adults. And I had also mentioned that I like someone else and he was cool with it. Ahhh! |
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| Summer's over |
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| 12:25am 29/08/2007 |
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mood: sore music: Todd Terry- Missing
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Aw man! :(
This is sad. Tomorrow I start school again. I'm going to miss all this... tanning weekly, having sleepovers, drinking too much, not taking anything seriously, being careless etc.
This year has been crazy. I have honestly taken NOTHING seriously. Summer was so much fun! Again I took nothing seriously. I made out with about 5 guys and liked none of them. Oh well. I had a good time at least. 2007 Summer > 2002 Summer |
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| "Let go of what you can't change" |
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| 10:07pm 26/08/2007 |
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mood: melancholy music: Willy Chirino- Medias negras
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And yet I still can't do that...
I miss him, I haven't seen him in months. :(
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| Fabian |
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| 06:09am 20/08/2007 |
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mood: tired music: The Killers- Read my mind
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 (My neighbor)
We has drinks tonight at Chillis and catched up on life. He lost his appeal. Big time. I had the BIGGEST crush on this kid freshman year of high school. He never really spole to me unless he needed to copy my homework. Oh how things change...
Whatever we hang out and we made out. It was alright I suppose. I was bored so I said might as well. Ok it kind of sucked. I wasn't into it at all. The whole time I was thinking "What time is it? Why the heck am I here?". He BIT MY LIP mind you. And NOT by accident. I was like WTF! Nobody has ever done that to me. I would have killed for this chance 5-6 years ago but I realized it wasn't even such a big deal.
This summer I've made out with 4 different guys when I like sombody else. Somebody who NEVER kissed me. Isn't that unfair? :(
At this point I don't even really know what attachment is anymore. I can just kiss all these boys I don't care about and act like it never happened. Forget about it the next day. It's great! Too bad I can't do it with the one I like... eh such is life.
**Went to IHOP with the neighbor and we had a good time. He is hysterical. I couldn't stop cracking up.**
"If you're from Hialeah you'd be 14 dating a 24 year old"
"I bet my mom's dog can satisfy you if you're high" |
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| Could it happen again? |
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| 11:24pm 17/08/2007 |
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mood: indifferent music: The Veronicas- I can get used to this
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Larry sent me a text yesterday saying "Don't worry about getting Jets tix ;)
Wait
Wait
Wait.... I get free Jets tix again this year?!?! OH MY GOD I HOPE SOOO!!!!
That would be so awesome! I'd be willing to pay for them cause I really want to go to that game.
I really don't deserve this but will gladly take it. :D
YESSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!
My mom leaves to Cali in less than a week. Then the party begins. Can't wait. I hope I see Mr. Handy that week lol.
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| Take note, guys |
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| 06:35am 11/08/2007 |
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mood:  hot music: "Swimfan"
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BluLissy15: unselfish
BluLissy15: I was 15-16 and dating up a storm. He knew about all of them. He liked me before Peter and during the breakup he was my crying shoulder and literally wiped my tears and told me everything would be alright and that we'd get back together
I really miss him. Whatever happened to that sweet but somewhat airheaded guy?
Out of all the men who liked he has been the most unselfish. He liked me for about 4-5 years and I knew but let him know that we'd never be together as I only saw him as a brother. He accepted this and never changed with me. I remember him asking me out when I was in middle school a few times and me rejecting him. I once recorded a message on his phone machine rejecting him. Damn, I was cold! I'm not even really sure why I did not like him; he wasn't bad looking-- there was just no chemistry.
He was always there for me and literally wiped my tears when Peter and I ended it on my 16th birtthday-- when I felt like my world was falling apart. Doesn't it suck when the only guy you've ever loved breaks up with you on your birthday? The only guy you would have done anythign in the world for? Yes it does but that's besides the point. Instead of secretly celebrating, my friend kept reassuring me that everything would be alright and that we'd get back together-- even though we never did.
I really appreciate that now. The older I get, the less I trust men. No guy is like that anymore. They say one thing and mean another. Someone once told me "People do things for a reason" and that is very true. That same guy also told me "People need to learn how to deal with rejection" yet he was the same guy who claimed to be my friend & stopped talking to me when I rejected him on Valentine's day 07. Why did I get free Jets tix?
After they know I don't want to date them or be more than friends they just stop talking to me or become cold assholes. That's life, I guess. It is true that they all just want one thing-- and now I'm just starting to realize it.
So... to all the Leo's in the world, thank you. I really wish I knew more guys like that. |
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| Scratch the last entry |
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| 01:14am 10/08/2007 |
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mood: tired music: Destiny's Child- Dangerously in Love
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yes noooo attachment!
Ummm the beach was great today. I'm hoping my mom doesn't need to take me to Cali so I can stay home by myself and party! If you have drinks, come over!
Woohoo!!!! This summer has been unforgettable. Almsot as good at Summer 02... everything feels calm and relaxing. In a week I kissed 3 different guys. Woah! I'm on a roll. I haven't taken myself too seriously and just let things happen. I'm really tan and now I'm wishing I was white. Oh well.
Assembly is coming up which means I might see Peter and his fat wife. Haha, sorry it just became a joke between Melissa and I. I was thinking about the movie under the stars today while having lunch. Melissa swooned. She wants that. I do too but it's a little too late now. He'll never talk to me again. Sigh
I feel like everyone is annoying me now. About the drinking... about the shopping... about everything... about being young. My mom needs to loosen up.. or get laid because she focuses way too much on me. I spoke to her about Sunday night with Danny and she just said "I don't mind you drinking at home but let me know who you will do it with." Alright, done. She never asked though, or else I would have told her. Whatever, that's settled.
I'm soooo tired from the beach and I still need to wash my hair so I can go assembly dress shopping.
I DON'T WANT SUMMER TO END!!!!! |
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| Attachment |
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| 12:05am 08/08/2007 |
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mood:  confused music: Carrie Underwood- Before he cheats
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Is it happening? God I really hope not.
I blacked out and forgot some other things and was reminded today. WOW I am an idiot. I feel terrible about the whole thing. |
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| Drunk |
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| 11:04am 06/08/2007 |
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mood:  cold music: Pitbull- Go Girl!
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Oh my God I woke up with the biggest hangover. I got soooo drunk with Danny last night.
He IMed me last night telling me he had drinks. I asked him to share and he said he would but I didnt thin he'd actually come over and bring me. So he did and we went inside my room to drink. I get buzzed off the beer but the liquor screwed me up. At one point I said "Let's make out!" and we did. We fooled around and I kept saying "Hey, I don't mind, if you don't mind" and cracking up. Well, I guess he didn't mind... at all. Then I threw up... and my mom kept calling me. Ugh, I had to walk over to her room (without falling over!) and tell her I was ok even though I wasn't. He cleaned up a little and left. Gah I feel so bad about the whole thing. :/
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss! Okay... and a little more. |
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blulissy's journal
